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Reflections
Questioning. Searching. Learning. Sharing.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
Karma, Hula Pie, and the Gift of a Lifetime
--
It's
incredible to see what a little bit of generosity can do in someone's
life. I'm a firm believer in the idea that "kindness brings forth kindness." Sure, some people can call it karma.
This picture doesn't do Hawaii justice |
I'll never forget one experience Sarah and I had in
Hawaii on our honeymoon. We went to visit a memorial park called Valley
of the Temples in Oahu that had tons of cool replicas of temples from around the
world. Walking through many nice-looking memorial stones with flowers
around the tombstones, I saw an overturned and dirty looking tombstone
that had the inscription on it, “For Dad.”
Delicious Hula Pie.... *heavy breathing* |
I thought, “What would it be like if it were my family
member there?” So I spent a few minutes cleaning it up, rearranging the flowers, said a prayer for the person's family and then we
continued on our way. That evening we went to eat at an awesome
restaurant called Duke's. Just as we were going to pay our bill, the
waiter brings Sarah and I a HUGE ice cream cake dessert called a Hula
Pie and told us that someone had bought it for us!
“There must be some mistake," I told him. “We don’t know
anyone here. Can you check to see if this is the right table?" He went
back and said, “No, there is no mistake, someone wanted you to have
this.” Till this day, I don’t know who did it; I don’t know what else to
attribute it to than to the idea that “kindness brings forth kindness.” Karma? Hula Pie gods? Providence? I don't know.
Like the video says, “You don’t be kind to others in
order to get something in return.” You are kind (which is different than
being nice) to others because it’s the right thing to do. It’s the
Golden Rule.
Monday, April 14, 2014
6 Ways to Guard your Marriage in Ministry
Nope, I’m not joining everyone else this week in discussing the
Record Keeper. I think others have said what I believe on the matter (one by Roger Hernandez)
here and (one by Ed Dickerson) here. This week, I’m focusing on something that I think everyone
agrees on: marital fidelity. Last year I took a great class from Dr. John Nixon
Sr. and want to share with you all a few great lessons we learned that week
together. I thank him for this week’s post.
Sexual sin is not morally worse than other sins, but because
it has such a powerful effect on the whole person, it is more devastating. Sex
is dangerous when it is misused; it can destroy us body and soul. Recently I
have seen several pastors outside of Adventism resign from their churches
because of moral falls. How can we prevent these kinds of tragedies from happening in our own
churches and families? Here are a few tips to guard you marriage in ministry.
1)
Speak
highly of your spouse to others.
Never share your marital problems with someone of the
opposite sex, unless it is in a professional therapeutic setting. It is a trap
of Satan to get us to complain about our spouses to “understanding” coworkers
and friends so that though their sympathy we may be led to sin.
2)
Monitor
your personal spiritual life.
Conduct an inventory of your habits of prayer, Bible study,
meditation, etc. It is easy to neglect the spiritual disciplines, not intentionally,
but simply though business.
3)
Make
yourself accountable to someone trustworthy
Here one pastor shares a personal story on this point.
“Once
I was undergoing a time of strong sexual temptation and finally I called a
friend with whom I was having breakfast the next day. I said, ‘Please pray for
me, and ask me tomorrow morning what I did last night.’ He agreed, and the
moment I put down the phone, my temptation was gone. Why? I’d like to say it was
because I’m so spiritual, but the truth is there was no way that I was going to
face my friend the next morning and have to tell him I had sinned.”
4)
Regularly
evaluate your marriage.
Watch for signs of boredom and routine, lack of affection,
poor communication, poor sex life and discontentment. Read Christian marriage
books together, perhaps a worship devotional. Remember, marriages go through
stages of development and each new stage is an opportunity to grow in your relationship.
Don’t take anything for granted. Remember Proverbs 5:15-19.
5) Make no provision for sin. Romans 13:14
Know the things that trigger impure thoughts and be
intentional about rooting them out. Guard the avenues of the soul. Watch the
things that you permit to enter your mind though the senses. In this way, you
guard your mind. Impure thoughts have a cumulative effect on the soul when we permit
them to have entry. They eat away at the integrity of our spirit like the ocean
eroding the shoreline. Immoral acts come from gradual steps.
“A relationship can be sexual long before it
becomes erotic. Just because I’m not touching a woman, or just because I’m not
envisioning specific erotic encounters, does not mean I’m not becoming sexually
involved with her. The erotic is usually not the beginning but the culmination
of sexual attraction.”
6)
Back off
early.
As soon as you sense inappropriate feelings towards another
person, face it and back away from it right away.
“When
meeting a woman for our third counseling appointment, I became aware that she
was interested in me personally. What was more frightening to me was the fact
that I realized I had subconsciously sensed this before but enjoyed her attraction
too much to address the problem. Though I wasn’t yet emotionally involved or
giving her inappropriate attention, I wasn’t deflecting hers towards me,
either, and was thereby inviting it.”
Do you know what is the most erotic organ of the body? The
brain. You can be alone and project yourself into arousal just by the thoughts
of your mind. Our minds belong to God also. And when our thoughts are stayed on
Jesus, we have the power of His Spirit to live for God’s glory no matter where
we are.
”Finally,
brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever
things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are
lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any
virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” –
Philippians 4:8
For more on this, check out Proverbs 6:20-32; 7:6-27. Have any other thoughts on the matter that you'd like to share? Comment below!
Sunday, April 6, 2014
7 Areas to Focus On In Your First Year of a New Pastorate
7 Areas to Focus On In Your First Year of a New Pastorate
Unlike most other jobs, the work of a pastor has no clear
instruction booklet that tells you what you’re supposed to be doing on a daily
basis. I remember how nervous I was when
I found out that I would be going straight from seminary into my own church
district (instead of the “typical” track where you are assigned to work under a
senior pastor in a larger church for few years to gain experience). The
learning curve has been steep the past three years and I am still learning every day, but if you are
beginning a new assignment in a district or a single church, learn from my
mistakes. If I could go back in time and do it over again, these are the 7
areas that I would focus on in the first year.
1) Observation
Specifically for your first three to six months in your new
church, I would not chair any important meetings, make any large changes or
otherwise do anything that would jolt the church. Don’t feel like you have to start being busy right away… believe
me, that time will come. I remember feeling bad because the first few weeks on
the job, I didn’t have much to do and I felt like I wasn’t doing my job correctly. From my research both theoretical and anecdotal, this is actually quite normal. Your first task should really be to observe your surroundings.
Pastoral work is primarily relational more than
administrative, and in a new environment you are going to be working with people
who you have never met before. So, start by getting comfortable. Sit in on board
meetings as a fly on the wall to gain a feel of the different relational
dynamics in the group. Sit in all of
the different Sabbath schools within your church (all the way from the children’s
divisions to the adults). Basically, observe as much as you can within your
church.
The benefit to you in doing this is twofold: one, it will
help you to see the church from the local member’s standpoint, and two, it gives
you visibility among your members (this is important early on and gives members a chance to meet &
greet you).
2) Visitation
Plan a visitation blitz early on and try to visit as many
members in their homes as possible (no, not in your home, not in your office... in their home). It will get harder
for you to do this later on with your responsibilities, so do this at the
beginning. The rationale behind this the same as point #1. Moreover, doing
this, you will be able to gain a feel for the individuals that make up your
church. Start with your key leaders in your church board and work down from
there. Spend no more than 30-45 minutes in the home and try to cover these
areas during your visit. Remember this acronym: FORT.
Family: How many kids? Do they have family in the area? What do you like about the
neighborhood? Any good restaurants in the area? Just general questions about
themselves.
Occupation: Where do they work? What led them to do that work? Etc.
Religion: How long have they been a member of the church or an Adventist? Was religion a
big thing in their home of origin? What have they enjoyed most about being a
member of this church? What are some areas that they would change in the
congregation? (Don’t let this question drag on since disgruntled members may
vent--limit it to one or two points.)
Testimony: How did they personally come to the Lord? What do they love best about knowing Him? Where do they think God has gifted them to get involved?
End with a prayer, thank them for their time, tell them you
look forward to working with them, and move on. You may want to consider taking notes of each visit and keeping them on
file so that you remember people’s names and their families (not to mention any
noteworthy details you may hear in conversation).
3) Preaching
Whatever your preaching style, bring your A-game, especially in the beginning! Give them
your best sermons here and please try to use NO NOTES! Why not preach a series
outlining your views on your personal calling to ministry, the Gospel, and life? Give the church an idea of who you are. I’ve also heard the suggestion that you
could even give a week-long revival or hold an evangelism week in your first year and
invite church members to bring their friends.
Remember, at this point you are still new and novel; people will be much more favorable and willing to hear what you say now than at any other time in your ministry at the church.
Remember, at this point you are still new and novel; people will be much more favorable and willing to hear what you say now than at any other time in your ministry at the church.
4) Visioning
In order to look ahead at what you’re going to do, you need
to look back at where your new church is coming from. If you really want to get a good pulse of that
you’re walking into, ask to see the last 3-5 years’ worth of board/business
meeting minutes and study them. This will give you an idea of your new church’s
strengths and areas for growth, and might spur some ideas in terms of what to do.
Why not also have a visioning weekend with your leaders
sometime in the first year to become acquainted with one another and hammer out
a shared vision for the future of the church? In seminary, I was taught the following principle: “People will rarely, if ever, take
ownership for something which they themselves are not a part of creating.” Lead
from consensus rather than telling them, “This is what you will be doing.” When you
help create a shared vision at the beginning, there is a better chance that
they will be willing to follow along rather than be pastor-driven movement.
5) Planning and Delegating
If you have a multi-church district, decide when you will be
where. Keep in mind, YOU are the one who decides your schedule, not your church
(more on that in point #7). If you have a church office, I would set office hours
here and let your church know. If you have a district where you all speak the
same language, why not gather the elders from all of your churches together
once a quarter for training, prayer and encouragement? (I have a bilingual
district and, while you can also do it here too, your brain may be as fried as
mine having to translate back and forth). Consider putting together a
preaching calendar together with your leaders and involving them in it. The
idea here is to get ideas down on paper as far as your own personal schedule
and direction with the church(es) and invite your leaders to be a part of the
conversation.
6) Community Networking
As mentioned earlier, your first few weeks are going to be
pretty slow. Why not take some time to get to know your area? Get lost and
drive around town to see the new area that you’re going to be working in. I
would also stop by your local officials' offices (city mayor, hospitals, police department,
etc.) and introduce yourself as the new Adventist pastor in the area. Offer them
your support and ask them how you can be of support to them in their work as
public officials. I’ve never been rejected doing this; the people are typically
very nice and it is a good opportunity for networking.
Also, become familiar with any local ministerial associations
and get a list of local community service agencies in case there are any
visitors or members who need help with basic necessities like food, water,
medical care, bills, etc. (and they will
come, so it’s better to be ready beforehand.)
7) Boundary Setting
Boundaries are, in my opinion, one of the MOST important
things you can do when you begin. This lays the groundwork for what the church
can expect from you as well as establishes what you expect from the church. Someone once said, “People will take
from you whatever you let them take.” And it’s true!
One of the biggest drawbacks of not having a set guideline
of work requirements as a pastor is that people often want to make your schedule
and give you your duties. Unfortunately, one of the highest values that gets
placed in determining success is “busyness.” Especially if you’ve never been in
a senior pastor position before, some pastors may feel like they have to be doing something at all times. This can lead to some very unhealthy patterns of behavior:
- Some pastors will accept calls from their members at any hour of the day on any day.
- Some pastors will gladly drop whatever plans they have to tend to whatever “urgent” matter a member presents them with.
- Some pastors will cave in to the first complaint they receive from a strong personality.
- Some pastors will work 7 days a week and wear it as a "badge of honor."
I remember someone once told me to work basically seven days a week and
to take breaks “here and there, in between whenever I could.” Umm… no. As Seventh-day Adventists,
one of the primary principles that we emphasize is a Sabbath in peoples' lives. We recognize that we are not human doings; we're human beings, created to
"be" on a work/rest cycle as we find outlined in scripture. Sure,
this routine is not salvific but it does propose that if followed, this rhythm
improves the quality of one's personal life, family life, and work
effectiveness, among other things. It is contrary to our beliefs to expect any
pastor to work nonstop every weekday and weekend with no time off and with no
time for a personal or a family Sabbath of his own.
Your responsibilities are (in this order):
1)
Your relationship God and your health
2)
Your family
3)
Your duties as a pastor and to your church
Be clear with your church about what day is your day off. Establish boundaries within your church board in terms of how you expect
communication and disagreements within the church to be handled. Be clear with
your leaders with what they can expect from you and what you expect from them. Obviously,
emergencies will happen and you may
need to flexible to deal with a change in your schedule. However, you
are not superman; the church will survive without our help.
Keep these basic pointers in mind, look out for the end of
your “honeymoon period” with the church at around the 6 month mark, always be
willing to admit your mistakes, stay humble, and learn all you can as you go along, and you will surely do a great job. Blessings in your new assignment!
Have any other
suggestions? Leave them below!
Monday, March 31, 2014
Eccumenical Worship Lessons
Conspiracy theorists, start your engines. Hopefully, the title was enough to get you to read this, lol. Before you accuse me of being in cahoots
with some sort of Illuminati, Jesuit conspiracy theory seeking to bring all churches
under one roof, calm down. I’m still an Adventist pastor.
Seriously though, I've been on a bit of an eclectic
tour lately. Sarah and I have been wanting to check out how other people in the
area worship. So a few weeks ago, we visited a Greek Orthodox Church. Last
Friday night, we brought in the Sabbath at a conservative Jewish Synagogue (I
even got to wear a kippah! [That's the little cap on the head if you didn't catch it.]). Yesterday (Sunday), I got the unique chance to speak for the first
time at Southern Baptist church. These experiences have really made me look
forward to, actually more like long for, Heaven.
To think that each one of these
individual congregations could each be trying to express their worship to the
same God really got me thinking about how we think about the point of worship and especially
our contribution to the community of faith as Adventists. This really came out at the Baptist service where the person giving the Welcome said something to
the effect of, "We've welcomed you all here this morning, but have you all
recognized that God is really our guest of honor today? Have you welcomed
HIM here today?" Then everyone clapped and stood up as if the King of the
Universe were actually there.
All worship services focused on what
God had done:
- The Greek Orthodox church focused on God's sacrifice in the Eucharist.
- The Jews focused on God's care and deliverance for his people with the Sabbath.
- The Baptists focused on God's providence with his works.
Side note: So what is the focus of an Adventist worship
service? Yes, while theoretically it should be the Second Coming and/or the Three Angels Messages, what does that look like in practice? I don't think that, as a denomination, we have that figured out yet collectively. From my own experience, I’ve noticed that in many of our churches, our worship
services are dryer than Wheaties with no milk. It's ironic that a denomination
that emphasizes the connection between the mind-body-spirit like Adventists do
would have many of their worship services so cerebral and formal that the
experiential (praise/emotional/physical) section of worship seems to go mostly overlooked.
The focus on any real worship
service should focus on something God has done for his people; He is the center
or the object of worship and not the other way around. Dangerous things happen
when WE become the center of worship. We can either go to one of two
extremes.
A.
Wing it for Jesus (too casual)
Have you
ever gone to or been a part of a worship service where things seem to come
together in real time? In some cases, people give God whatever happens to
show up at worship service without any practice. They might give an excuse and
say, “We rely on the Spirit’s leading,” but what they really mean is, “We didn’t
have time to rehearse and we hope this comes out better than we expect." I
guarantee that if you knew your local senator were going to visit your
church, you wouldn’t wing it when it came to worship. You also wouldn’t wing it
if you knew WHO the center of your worship was.
B.
The Worship Critic (too rigid)
On the
other side of the ditch, you have the Nazi who has to have every detail go off
without a hitch. If the pastor’s sermon goes past 12:30, they’re out. If the
special music hit an off-key note, they squirm in their seat. If the children
are too loud, watch out--you can expect a lecture on the way out about the
importance of reverence in the church. If someone happens to connect with God
in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable (like particular musical instruments or a
physical expression like standing up and lifting up their hands), you can be
sure a letter will be drafted and calls will be made.
Does your worship service leave people feeling like this? |
Seriously, have you
considered what God sees when he looks at all of his people worshiping here in unison, at the same time, in different ways? Heaven will be full of people that worship
different than you here on Earth. If you want to see what God sees on a weekly
basis, consider starting your own little faith tour in your area. This way, not
only will you see the sheep Jesus has that are not in your own fold, you will
save yourself the embarrassment of having to admit that other denominations made it
to Heaven when you see them there!
Sunday, March 23, 2014
7 Principles for Handling Criticism like a CHAMP! Part 2
Continuing our list from last week!
5) Don’t lose your focus of your mission just because people say unkind things about you.
He says, "Women shouldn't be pastors!" She says, "I see you're concerned." |
5) Don’t lose your focus of your mission just because people say unkind things about you.
People who have a heart for people tend to take criticism
personally. You often remember one criticism over
50 compliments. Don’t overthink it.
Interestingly enough, I have learned from experience that no one
operates in a vacuum. The saying is true: “Hurt people, hurt people.” Often
I have found that behind every critic, there are
other factors playing into their response that has nothing to do with
you
personally. Maybe they are going through
a hard time at home, or perhaps something about you reminds them of a
past hurt; thus, they are really projecting their problems onto you.
Sure,
some people may be straight up jerks, but learn to see the good behind
every
critic. No matter how nasty they may be, Jesus died to save them too,
right?
6) Learn when to let criticism slide.
6) Learn when to let criticism slide.
Like one cool little video blog says,
“Most successful people are too
busy creating things in the world and actually living their lives to harshly
criticize and judge you. The majority of the time, the people who are your
harshest critics are creative cowards. They are bystanders on the sidelines of
life who risk nothing and create nothing. It’s easy to attack and destroy an
act of creation. It’s a lot more difficult to perform one.”
How do you do this? For example, you don't have to respond to every email or comment directed your way online. Another way to let criticism slide is, if you get a nasty letter
from an “anonymous concerned individual,” throw that mess away. If they are
anonymous in sending you criticism, they don’t deserve the right to be heard if
they are not willing to put a face on their complaint. Also, if the person that you are hearing criticism from is always critical of everything and everyone, let it go. That person probably just needs a hug (or a swift kick in the pants).
Besides, are you really going to let people’s opinions have that much
power over you? Remember, you will be criticized since even Jesus got criticized form others. Yeah,
Jesus…so, if he couldn’t get out of
it... neither will you. But if he could manage to get through it, you can
too (as a side note, Jesus rarely
defended himself in the face of criticism. He often kept silent and/or let his
work do the talking).
7) You are not defined by your critics or your success, but by your identity as a child of God.
7) You are not defined by your critics or your success, but by your identity as a child of God.
This
actually cuts both ways. The comments from haters should
have little bearing on you as you try to fulfill your mission to change
the world. On the other hand, you may have a moderate to great amount
of success
with the work that you do (and your ability to rise above criticism).
However,
don’t think that any success makes you better than the rest of the
world, in the
same way that criticism makes you think of yourself as less than
everyone else. Don't be tempted to think of yourself as God's gift to
the world.
It goes back to Romans 12: “Be honest in your evaluation of
yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” Follow these
principles and you will be on your way to living out God’s calling in your
life!
Care to share any other tips that have helped you handle critcism? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!
Monday, March 17, 2014
7 Principles for Handling Criticism like a CHAMP! Part 1
You can't predict what others will do or say but, you can train how you react. |
Whether you are a doctor, janitor, president, or a guy who just finished a controversial series about race relations, chances are that you are going to receive your fair share of criticism. But how can you handle criticism in a way that will not leave you drained and stressed? Here are 7 principles to keep in mind for handling criticism like a champ!
1) There is a difference between a disagreement
and criticism.
Don’t be frustrated because someone has a different opinion
than you. Just because someone disagrees with your idea, thoughts, or
viewpoints, that doesn’t make the the disagreement a criticism or mean that the person is a critic. First, you have to make a logical, conscious choice to not become defensive when our
instinct may be to fight back when someone disagrees with you. Leave your ego at the door; you can always learn something from a
disagreement or even a criticism.
Like Romans 12:3 says, “Because of the privilege and
authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don't think you
are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves,
measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us."
2)
Differentiate
between constructive and destructive criticism.
I define criticism as an insult that is attached to a complaint
in order to show displeasure. For example, when as a janitor, your superior
says, “You missed a spot. Go over it again,” that’s constructive criticism. However, if
he says, “You are the worst janitor
I’ve ever had. This job is terrible,” that's probably destructive criticism (and your supervisor needs a chill pill). The key difference to remember is that destructive
criticism usually takes aim at the person rather than just the issue at hand.
3) Get used to the fact that you will be criticized.
No one is immune or above criticism. You are constantly being
judged for what you hear, wear, do, or don’t do. Everyone will have something to chime in about. You could just stay
home and play video games all day in an attempt to avoid criticism, but guess what? Then you’ll get criticized for being
lazy. Since you can’t get around criticism, you might as well
learn to get ahold of it.
4) The higher the profile, the more criticism
you will receive.
A while ago, I shared my beef with Dr. Ben Carson. He probably has no idea who I am (nor does he probably care what I think). My point is that someone who is in the public eye, and/or has a prominent position of leadership, and is taking a stand for something they believe in will probably become a lightning rod of opinions. That’s the nature of the beast. I may get my fair share of criticism, but compare me to the kind of criticism that someone like President Obama gets and it makes me look like I shouldn't have a care in the world!
Next time, the final 3 principles!
Next time, the final 3 principles!
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